Porcelain Hearts and Silk Roses
by Splintered Star
Summary: Misa, she knew she was a silly sentimental girl, but Valentine's Day was still her favorite day of all. A series of seven one shots, over seven days in her life. Spoilers through the whole series.
1. Lace and Ribbons

(Misa-centric, pg. Not mine, obviously.)

Lace and Ribbons

Misa smiles as wide as she can as her parents drop her off at school, smiling at them and the world in general. Today is Valentine's Day, her mother explained the night before, a day when everyone celebrates love and affection and each other. Misa may only be eight, but she still thinks it's so sweet. So she spent all morning getting ready, her hair in curls and pink ribbons - mommy was never sure how Misa ended up blonde, even though half her grandparents on each side were American, but it helped her in the West when they had to travel for business. Misa's face is already starting to hurt from smiling so much as she waves goodbye to her parents and skips into the school building, and she's never been so excited in her life.

See, there's a boy that Misa likes, here at school. He's sweet and he's shy and doesn't mind Misa's odd name or hesitant English. He said hello to her on the first day she moved here for daddy's business, and he let her play with his hair when no one else was looking. It was the first time she'd ever seen someone with the same hair color as her before. His name is Steven, with a "v", and Misa really, really likes him. She wants to tell him, keep him for herself, and she's going to today. She's all dressed up and tucked in her backpack is a card she made herself - well, mommy helped. It's covered with ribbons and pink hearts and "Steven" spelled out in glitter on the front. There's a sticker of a dinosaur on it, too, because it's for a boy.

Misa can hardly sit still at school, and it's the first time that the teacher ever has to tell her to stop squirming. Finally, after math it's time to exchange cards. Lots of the boys give her cards and she smiles at them all - Misa isn't sure if she's ever smiled this much - even the ones she doesn't know. The girls are mad at her, because her pile of cards is bigger than any of theirs, and she knows her skirt and hair is prettier. They're usually mad at her, and Misa wishes they could be friends, but no matter what she does they stay mad at her. Mommy says they're just jealous and not to listen to them, and Misa does try.

Misa looks around, blond curls bouncing on her shoulders. Where's Steven? She was so sure he would give her a card, so sure he liked her too, so sure from shy looks and scribbled notes and the way he blushed when she kissed him on the cheek at recess when the teacher wasn't looking. She can't see him anywhere, but there's a lot of others moving around and there aren't many places he could go without the teacher getting mad. So she slips off her chair and starts to look around, pushing some red-headed girl out of the way and barely taking time to smooth out her skirt before skittering off.

She looks behind the closet, and under the window boxes and by the water fountain, but she can't find him anywhere. His coat is still on the rack, so he must still be here. She even crawls under the chairs in the back where they would hide sometimes and talk quietly, but he's not there either! She crawls back out and brushes the dust from her skirt, looking around with a sinking feeling in her chest. She's looked all around the classroom, and they're not allowed outside. Where is he?

She gives up, hanging her head, and starts walking towards the trashcan to throw away the card. It's not like she can give it to anyone else, and besides, she doesn't want to give any cards away now. Why should she bother, if she can't give him one? She spent hours on it last night, pouring sparkles and getting glue in her hair, and now she can't use it. She glances around one last time, despondent. Wait, there he is! She suddenly sees him, and her heart is buoyed. He's over by the teacher's desk, and she smiles, ready to finally give him his card.

But there's a girl there, some brown-haired, brown-eyed girl named Suzie with a plain face and a plain dress. Misa's never seen them together before, and Misa has been watching. They're both blushing bright red, and Misa watches with horror-struck eyes while Steven gives that girl a card and holds her hand. He doesn't look at Misa, not once, and she tries not to cry as he shyly takes Suzie's store-bought card in return.

Misa just creeps back to her chair and doesn't talk to anyone for the rest of the day, until she goes home and cries into Mommy's lap about how she just wanted him to like her back. Mommy hugs her close, dusting off her dress and fixing her hair, and whispering stories into her ear about a bright-eyed prince who will come and love Misa forever, if Misa is good and waits for him.

That makes Misa feel better, a bit. That night, she makes another card, with ribbons and lace and even more sparkles than before. It's almost as pretty as the one Mommy helped with, even if the sparkles are messy and her penmanship is hard to read. Misa doesn't put any name on it, though, because she doesn't know her prince name's yet. Satisfied, finally, she puts it underneath her bed where it'll be safe. One day, when she meets her prince, she'll give it to him.

She never talks to Steven again.

(End)


	2. Boxed Chocolates

Misa is thirteen, almost grown, but she still likes being treated to dinner by her parents. They always take her and her sister Alice – Misa doesn't know why they gave Alice a western name, grandpa probably insisted – out every year on Valentine's Day, because it's their favorite holiday of all. Even though Misa is grown up now and unbelievably tired from her modeling job, she still loves celebrating this day,

Misa isn't even sure why she had a shoot today, because she had told her stupid agent that she wanted today off, but it's no big deal. Even if the agent doesn't listen to her and the photographer had serious misconceptions about Misa's flexibility and started at her… Misa shuts the train of thought down with a shake of her head. It's Valentine's Day, she's at an awesome restaurant with her parents – and her sister, but that can't be helped – and Misa is going to relax. Misa doesn't get to relax very often lately, so she wants to take every chance she can.

Misa laughs into her drink over something silly her father says, spilling a bit of her drink onto the tablecloth. It leaves an ugly red stain on the cloth, and Alice sighs ans reaches over to cover the spot with napkins. Misa rolls her eyes. Alice is always too neat, too obsessed with keeping everything sparkling. It's silly and they drive each other insane at home – Misa has school and a demanding job! She doesn't have time to clean! – and Misa resists the urge to spill more of her drink right onto Alice's fingers. She doesn't, though, because her father is watching her and she'd get in trouble. So instead she just sighs, and turns back to the conversation.

Despite all of the annoyances, Misa can't stay annoyed today, not right now, when she's surrounded by lovers and romance an all this sappy-sentimental happiness is welling up inside of her. None of it is for her, yet, but that doesn't matter. This is her favorite day of the entire year, even more than her birthday, because today is about love and happiness and being together. How could she not love it? Misa knows it's a bit stupid, and she should be too old for this, but she doesn't care.

The conversation is only barely back on track when Misa feels a tap on her shoulder. She turns, and it's some boy she doesn't know. He's awkward looking and pimply and looks like heaven just fell into his life. He asks her, eyes full of wonder and voice full of cracks, if she's Misa-Misa. Misa quietly curses in her mind, but she's had to deal with these types before, so she just laughs and says no, you must have me confused with someone else. She doesn't want to be bothered by obsessed fans tonight, and quietly panics when he doesn't believe her and keeps asking. But thankfully, a black-haired, jealous-eyed girl comes and drags him of. She glares knives at Misa, but Misa stopped caring about that a long time ago.

She hopes no one else with bother her tonight, and is grateful beyond words when her mother suggests they go out on the town for a while. It's easier to avoid people in a crowd, on the street where Misa can pretend to not notice them and move away without being trapped in a chair. They leave, Misa sighing over Alice apologizing way too much for the tablecloth, and as soon as they're on the street Misa already feels better, just from the sounds and atmosphere of Valentine's Day. She reaches into her bag to grab her phone; she needs to call her boyfriend…

She looks down, trying to find her phone – but suddenly there's a bouquet of pink roses thrust into her face. She jumps back, squeaking, and it takes her a moment to realize it's Ken, her boyfriend, holding roses in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. He's chuckling at the look on her face, and Misa finally starts laughing with him. She likes Ken, because even though he's not perfect, he's charming and sweet and he sees Misa, not Misa-Misa. She hugs him, ignoring the flowers for now even though they're her favorite color. She takes the chocolate though, opening the box with a smile up at Ken. It's white chocolate, her favorite, and she can't help but smile wider. She likes Ken a lot, likes being with him, and even if he's not her perfect knight – not that she'll tell him that – he's nice to hang out with.

Her parents only laugh, and even Alice chuckles a bit, but Misa doesn't mind much. Her night is perfect now, with Ken and her parents and love in the air, and it can only get better. Ken goes walking with them for a while, chatting and laughing, his arm draped over Misa's shoulder. Eventually, though, the two of them manage to sneak off alone in the park, and their laughter echoes off of the trees and streetlights. They end up curled up on a park bench, Misa eating her chocolate while tucked under Ken's arm. They can't see the stars here, and Ken's arm is just a little too tight, but that's all that's keeping it from being perfect.

Misa is fairly sure she can hear her father yelling from down the path, and yes, that's the sound of Alice's high-heeled shoes, but Misa only snuggles into Ken's side a bit deeper and wishes the moment can last longer. Ken leans down and kisses her, sweet and slow and Misa feels like her insides are slowly curling up, and even though he pulls back when her father comes into view, it's the perfect end to the day. Misa wants this feeling to last forever, and someday, she'll find a way.

(End)


	3. Candy Hearts

Misa is fifteen now, or at least she should be, but it's gotten harder to remember. Everything has been dazed and blurry since her parents were murdered, the days and hours and seconds all muddled and out of order. She's only vaguely aware of it passing as she spends her days curled up in her room, her legs tangled in her once-fluffy comforter and her sheets rumpled. But she still has a calendar, though she doesn't know why, and she realizes with a clenched sob that today is Valentine's Day.

Her sister tried to talk to her, earlier, to drag her out of her room and maybe out to dinner like the family always did before. It is – was! – tradition, because Valentine's Day has always been Misa's favorite and her parents' too. But Misa, she doesn't want to think about them anymore, and she can't stop thinking about them, can't stop hearing them scream and she pulls a pillow over her head and prays that God will make it all better.

That day plays over in her head, her parents screaming and bleeding and _please don't hurt our daughter_. She doesn't remember the policeman's face, the one that found her hiding in the bathroom, just his voice saying, "It's okay, you're safe now. We'll catch whoever did this." Misa wanted to punch him, hurt him somehow, because it wasn't okay, could never be okay now. She still wants to, a bit, because even months – years? – later, they haven't caught him and they promised they would!

Misa, if she ever finds him – she remembers it was a he, a monster with a voice like gravel – she wants him to die. She'll do it herself, if she has to. She's not sure if she would be able to kill, and she hates it because he deserves to die. It isn't nice and she knows she shouldn't think it but he needs to die. For now she'll trust in god, but…

She shakes her head, the movement barely stirring her ravaged hair. Funny, she used to be so proud of her hair, a natural blond in a sea of black. But it doesn't matter now, because her parents are dead and they were the most proud of all. She curls up further in her bed, trying to block out the images and sounds. Her memories are so loud she almost doesn't hear the knock on her door. Probably her sister again. Misa, she doesn't want to talk to Alice any more than she did three hours ago, so she just mumbles something like, "Go away." and turns away from the door.

The door clicks open, and Misa, she lifts her head just enough to glare blearily at her sister, all black-haired and proper and eyes rimmed with red. She realizes somewhere in the back of her mind that Alice has been crying too, and she knows she should feel bad about that. She does, some, but she doesn't want to think about it, doesn't want to think about anything, so she puts her head down and doesn't talk. The last time her sister came in they started yelling at each other, but Misa isn't sure she has the energy now.

Her sister doesn't say anything either, just stands in the doorway for too long. Then she comes in, and sits next to Misa on the bed. Misa, she doesn't want to be around anyone but she doesn't want to fight either, because she's tired and if she fights she'll have to think and she doesn't want to. Alice still isn't talking, and it's annoying because she's too still, too still just like them and Misa doesn't want to think about them, so Misa turns her head to look and try and figure out what she wants.

Alice is just sitting there, tears in her eyes and a shopping bag in her hands. Misa, she feels so horrible both for herself and her sister, and she wants to say something but she isn't sure what: either "Go away" or "What is that?" or "I love you." So she just stares without really seeing, until her sister drops the bag onto the bed. Alice reaches towards her, slowly, the movement stuttering with hesitation, and hugs her as best she can with Misa still on her side. Misa is frozen for a moment, a million different emotions bubbling up in her, and she's unable to tell any of them apart. She starts crying again, and she's not sure if they're tears of anger or pain, and she's starting to get Alice's coat wet. It doesn't matter much, really, because they're both crying now, and Misa, she finally sits up and hugs back, clinging to her sister like Alice is clinging to her.

It still hurts, but it's a different hurt, a shared one. Alice finally pulls back and pulls a bag of candy hearts out of the shopping bag. It's plastic and pink and reminds Misa of Valentine's Days past, of cards shyly exchanged and laughing over dinner at some too-expensive restaurant. The memories are bittersweet in her mouth, but she swallows them when Alice says, quietly,

"I know it won't help much, Mimi," Misa winces, she used to love that nickname, "But I know you've always liked these, so…" She offers the bag, and Misa wipes her eyes with no regard for her mascara. Alice was always the nice one, always thinking of Misa and their parents, but Misa, she never thought about it before now. She takes the bag and opens it clumsily, her muscles not quite working the way she wants them too. The hearts – pastel bunches of shaped sugar, pink and white and red – spill all over her wrinkled comforter, and together, they eat them.

Misa, she looks at each heart before she eats it, trying to find the right message. But they all say, "I love you," and never, "I'm coming back."


	4. Blood Red Roses

Misa is eighteen now, almost grown, and this will be her first Valentine's day alone. The last few years have been with Alice, and before then with her parents – but she doesn't think about them now, doesn't want to. Even though the man that killed them is dead – she prays quietly to Kira in thanks – thinking about them still hurts. She's alone this year, Alice hours away, and Misa is all on her own and all grown up, and Misa isn't sure what to do. Her apartment is stuffy, suffocating and opening the windows doesn't help, so she decides she'll go out walking, hoping no one sees her.

Misa, she's become famous and she's not sure why. Misa is young and Misa is beautiful and Misa is charming, but Misa doesn't know why that is enough for her to be blazoned on the street corners. But it is, apparently, and she's slowly adjusting to fame. It's not so bad, having millions of fans and getting letters of adoration, even if some of them get kind of creepy. Why does everyone think Misa is more flexible than she is? She shakes her head as she locks the door to her apartment, blond hair flying. It's Valentine's Day, and she is going to relax and not think about work.

She doesn't want to be bothered tonight, not tonight of all nights, so her hair is straight and her makeup plain and she doesn't look like herself at all. Most people only know her as Misa-Misa, blond curls and black lace, twisted together with velvet ribbon, so no one will know her in plain clothes. She has a path she knows well, and she walks down it without looking around much. It doesn't have the best lighting, but it's quiet and Misa wants to be left alone right now. Fame and all the attention it brings are nice but it's exhausting.  
Misa, her heels click against the street and the sound reassures her somehow, reminds her of the silence and the loneliness. She almost feels like sees being watched, still, but she always does even when she's all alone. It's the price of fame, she supposes, and she barely notices it now. The echoing silence reminds her that she is blessedly alone now. It's nice, really, and she can feel her stress starting to melt away. The sounds of the night – laughter, clinking glasses and soft murmured words of adoration – slip out of open windows above her and down to her ears, making her smile even if the love isn't for her. She doesn't have anyone to murmur to her now, but she's looking for him now.

Beneath the quiet sounds of romance and her own breath, Misa, she almost thinks she can hear footsteps behind her, but that has to be her imagination. No one ever walks this path but Misa, and she knows no one does, so it'll be fine. Misa won't be hurt, never has been, even when she should have been, even when it would have been right – but she doesn't think about that man, dead by Kira's hand. Misa, she believes in destiny and fate, she knows, is saving her for something important, someone important.

She knows she's alone, so it's an unwelcome shock when a voice calls out from behind her, young and male and unfamiliar. She turns, hesitantly to his voice, not afraid but, just maybe a little bit worried. She doesn't know this boy, doesn't even recognize his face, but some silly part of her mind is touched that he brought her roses. She tries to explain, like she's explained so many times before to a hundred other boys, that it's really sweet, but Misa-Misa can't accept gifts from fans, and doesn't he have some sweet girl waiting for him at home?

There's something in his eyes that worries Misa, something that reminds her too much of a man she forced out of her memory, but Misa doesn't run when the man steps closer, closer, too close. The roses have been tossed to the side, the red petals scattering on the ground like splattered blood, and the boy is staring in her eyes with a gaze unsettling. He's way too close now, asking why they can't be together forever, just the two of them. Misa, she steps back a bit and she's starting to become afraid, because his voice is too earnest, too intense and Misa thinks she sees a knife in his hands. She doesn't answer, just steps back a bit more, then more, and more until something in his eyes freezes her blood.

Something in his eyes shatters and he looks betrayed somehow, and he stares down at the knife in his hands as disbelieving as Misa. But then he looks up, and Misa is terrified now, because there's destruction and desperation in those eyes. There's the time of half a breath that Misa doesn't take, and the man leaps at her, the knife flashing with her panicked reflection before pressing into her throat, and oh god is she really going to die? She can't die, can't, she still hasn't found him, but the knife is against her throat and a gleam is in the man's eyes as he whispers _if I can't have you no one can_. Misa can feel the blade slipping into her neck and she can smell the blood mixed with his sweat and her tears. It makes her think of her parents and she wants to scream, but her throat is so tight she can't even breathe.

The blade comes in a little bit closer, pressing deeper until her neck is just a stripe of pain, and she closes her eyes and asks god, asks Kira why, why, she's going to die -!

The pressure is gone in an instant, and as she snaps her eyes open the man is stumbling back, clutching his chest. The knife clatters on the street and the man falls to the ground, and Misa knows, somehow, he's dead. Misa, she finally breathes enough to scream, scream until her throat is stinging on the inside too, and only barely hears people rushing to help her as she looses sight.

She wakes up the next morning in the hospital, bandages on her throat, an I.V. line in her arm, and a slim black notebook waiting for her on the bedside table.


	5. Prince Charming

It would have been perfect, perfect like a movie scene or her oldest dreams, if Misa had met Light on Valentine's Day. It would have been perfect, but fate didn't quite work out that way, and Misa's dreams can shift. Light is perfect enough, more than perfect, and as she curls up against his side in some café, Misa doesn't know if she's ever been this happy.

This is their first Valentine's Day together, and even though Misa knows her Light is busy she demanded this day above all others from him. Light, he's been very busy, being Light and L and Kira and Watari, and he's barely had any time for Misa lately, but she doesn't mind too much. He makes time, sometimes, and he's making a perfect world just for the two of them forever, and she knows he thinks of her when he works. And she's so very glad they don't have to worry about Ryuzaki or other girls now, because even though Misa knew why, seeing Light focused on anyone else still made Misa's heart burn and her fingers itch for the notebook. Light is hers, hers, forever and ever. She tells him this, sometimes, but he only chuckles.

They ordered lunch a while ago, but Misa hasn't touched any of it, because all of her focus is on Light, Light with golden hair and golden eyes and a golden smile. Misa, she's so happy she almost can't breathe, and she knows without a doubt that Light is the perfect boyfriend she's been waiting for. This isn't like Ken, or any of the million adoring fans, mindless and screaming and never seeing her. Even if Light sometimes ignores her, sometimes looks past her when they kiss, even if he almost never says, _I love you_, Light is hers and she is his.

Misa isn't thinking about all the Valentine's Days in the past, all of the people she used to spend it with and the things she felt then, because what she has now is so much better. Even though she misses Alice and her parents and dear precious Rem, she's happy, curled up with her Light – her God – and listening to him breathe. She doesn't want to ruin the moment with memories; she wants to make memories instead. It's afternoon now, the light streaming through the café window and turning everything gold. Her Light looks like he's been forged from precious metal, and Misa, she hesitantly reaches up to touch his face, his throat to make sure his calm heart still beats and reassure her he's real.

She'd dreamed about him before, dreamed about her perfect knight and perfect God, but Light, he's better than any dream. Light looks down at her, glowing slightly in the sun, and he smiles softly and makes Misa's heart flutter. She smiles, remembering something, and presses her finger to his lips, telling him to hold on for just a moment. She didn't want to think of Valentine's past, but this is both the past and future, and a silly part of her heart says this is important. She reaches into her bag by her side, searching until her fingers hit construction paper.

She pulls out a card, a card she made years ago when she was just eight, young and silly and hopeful. It's crinkled a bit, a bit bent and some of the sparkles have fallen off, but that's okay. She finished it last night, finally adding Light's name to the front, and she offers it to him while not meeting his eyes. She doesn't look up until he takes it from her, and she glances up, worried that he's laughing at her, laughing at the card, Misa should have had a better offering for her God… But he's not laughing, just smiling, a bit amused, and leans over to kiss her. It makes her heart warm and when he whispers a soft, _thank you_ into her ear she smiles so widely it feels like her heart will burst.

He doesn't ask where it came from, or why the paper has faded with age, and Misa is grateful. Her childhood dreams were just that, dreams, and even though Light is all of them and more they must seem so silly to him. Light smiles at her, his eyes warm flushing to hot, and pulls her out of the chair and to her feet. Neither of them has eaten, and they leave a ridiculous tip, but money is no issue for either of them now. Light holds her close, so close and whispers into her ear something about coming back with him. She says yes, will always and forever say yes, and her heart pulses fast when he leads her to his apartment. It's blessedly empty for once, and he locks the door behind them. His smile is still warm but getting hotter, and Misa, she knows what he's thinking and she doesn't mind, doesn't mind at all.

Light deserves that from her, deserves everything from her, and when he pulls her so close she can feel his heart she asks him, whispering, why he waited so long, Misa would give him this any time. She can feel his smile against her throat, and when he whispers back something about making it special for her, she wonders why she bothered with any other man. His lips are soft and his hands are gentle, and she cries when he presses her down into his pillows, because it's so good and sweet and perfect. Light doesn't meet her eyes, and she tells herself it's because he's too focused on making this beautiful for her, and her eyes would distract him too much.

She doesn't let him go, never, so afraid that he'll slip out of her arms like a dream. She sleeps, curled up against his side, and prays he'll still be there in the morning.


	6. Diamonds and Gold

Misa is older now, older than she should be, older than she ever expected to be. It's funny, she thinks sometimes, when she was young she always thought she was grown up, but never really realized what that meant. But she is grown up now, and today is her fifth Valentine's Day with her Light. He's still hers, totally hers, and if his gaze turns distant and he looks at her without seeing her, she knows he's just thinking of the beautiful work they'll rule together. She's never letting him go. Normally, Light would take Misa out for dinner at some ritzy place, but Misa, she has very specific plans for today. Instead of a dinner date, she pulls him away from the computer and away from his charade and his work of making a new world.

She leads him, giggling and smiling coy, into a tiny little jewelry shop downtown. It's a nice place, family owned and they're always so nice to Misa. She suspects she's keeping the place afloat on her own with all the jewelry she buys there, but that's okay. Light shouldn't fit in so easily, but he does, and Misa can only marvel at how perfect he looks surrounded by jewels and precious metals, none of them as valuable as he is. One day, she thinks as she looks at necklaces, everyone will know how perfect he is, and jewels can surround him forever, offerings by the adoring masses that will love him almost as much as Misa does.

Light's already asked, sighing, at least five times why they're here, and wouldn't she rather go to dinner like normal? She only giggles, enjoying the maybe-sin of hiding something from her God. It's not a sin since she'll explain eventually, right? Misa is sure he's bored, but she wants to string this out a bit. So she talks about the different stones she likes, the metals she thinks match her hair and her eyes and oh, will this style go with her outfit this weekend? Light's eyes don't glaze over, and he doesn't act annoyed with all her talking, and Misa can't help but smile at her perfect gentleman, her perfect knight.

Still, she came her for a reason and it wasn't just to frustrate her boyfriend. She asks him, still giggling a bit, if she looks better in silver or gold. Light says gold, without hesitation, and Misa knows it's true. It catches the color of her hair, and makes her blue eyes stand out and turns her black cloths warm. Then she asks what jewel is best for her, batting her eyelashes at him and smiling. This time he thinks for a moment, and Misa isn't sure what he'll say, until he steps close and whispers into her ear that only diamonds are worthy of her. The feel of his breath against her ear still makes her weak kneed, and she knows this is love, like she waited all her life for. When her mind returns to her, she nods, and tells Light to pick out something for her. All she needs to do is distract him for a little while, and he dutifully begins examining the earrings for something she might like. Misa, she turns to the attendant, nodding and fidgets like a little girl while the attendant gets something from the backroom.

The attendant returns, holding a small velvet box and Misa takes it, her hands shaking far too much. She'd guessed he might pick diamonds, because he knows they're her favorite, but she's still glad it worked out that way. She calls Light over to her, and from the box, she takes a ring. It's a woman's ring, sized to fit Misa, and completely unique. The gold wraps around perfect diamonds, spinning and sparkling. She gives it to him, and he looks in her eyes seriously. Misa, she knows he understands, and puts a finger on his lips to stop his questions. She holds onto the matching man's ring, and tries to ignore the sweat dripping down her hairline.

Light just smiles at her, smiles warm and loving and only a little bit possessive, and pulls her to his chest. He whispers in her ear again, _not yet but soon_, and she clings to him. Light's always said he can't marry her in an imperfect world, and Misa knows he's right, that paradise is the only fitting place for their honeymoon. She wants her wedding to be witnessed by the whole world, by all the other girls that stared and all of their worshipers, the whole world covered in white. This ring is a promise that one day, one day soon, the world will be perfect enough. Misa can wait.

Misa, she smiles, clutching the ring to her chest, and lets him lead her home and to his room. It's the perfect end to the day, and she drifts to sleep telling herself that it's her name he whispers in his sleep.


	7. Cupid's Wings

Misa, she didn't cry when Matsuda told her what happened that day in the warehouse. She didn't cry when he told her that her Light was Kira – she always knew, always always always, even though she had forgotten so many times, only her perfect Light could be her perfect God – that her Light was dead. She didn't listen when he mumbled something about her not being prosecuted, that she was free to go.

Go? Go where? She had no home now.

Misa didn't believe it at first, really, because Light was – is – Kira and Kira was – is! - God and God does not die. But then he didn't call her – he was cold at times, but he always called her when he was out late, just to keep her from worrying – and he never came home. Then they took her to see his body and it was so cold and stiff and bloody and his suit is torn and that can't be Light, can't be, he was always so neat and tears were streaming down her face but she hardly noticed. She saw his face, twisted in terror and it's all wrong, all wrong, and she was, in some small secret place in her mind, grateful that someone thought to close his eyes.

Matsuda had to lead her away, lead her to a place she once called home, and since then she doesn't remember much, hasn't thought much. Misa, she just sits at home waiting for a call that never comes, fingering a ring she bought for him months –years?- ago that she swore she would give to him on their wedding day. Time passes without her noticing, her mind flashing with faces, her parents and her sister and her Light, the tick of the clock impossible to hear under the sound of memories in her ears, screams she hasn't heard in years. She almost hears Light's screams, mixed in with her parent's sobbing and pleading, and she just curls up on the sofa and pulls a pillow over her head.

There's no great search for vengeance this time, no purpose for her life, because her god is dead and there's nothing she can do. Her god is dead, her Light is dead, and that hurts more than anything, because it may have been a little bit sinful, but Light was always her boyfriend first. Light died, and his beautiful world was killed before it was born, his – their! – dream burnt to ash, and she knows that that should hurt more than losing him does. It doesn't, though, and a selfish part of Misa's heart wishes he had given up the note for real so they could have been happy, but she knows he would never be happy without his perfect world, and if he wasn't happy she couldn't be.

Matsuda would come by sometime, trying to talk to her, but Misa, she doesn't answer the door. Matsuda is sweet and Matsuda is caring but Matsuda helped kill Misa's Light and for that she will never ever forgive him. She would kill him, kill them all if she still had a notebook, and she almost considers killing them regardless, but whenever she thinks about it she thinks about Light and she starts crying again. She wants to be angry, but she's too busy being hurt, and she knows there's no point to killing them now. There's no point to anything now.

It's by chance, almost, that she glances at the calendar and sees the date. February 13th. She sobs, and her knees start to buckle, because no matter what else Light had going on he always tried to take her out on Valentine's Day, the day she always demanded of him. He didn't always succeed, but he tried, and somehow the fact that he can't take her out this year means everything. It hits her, not for the first time, that her Light really is dead, and there is nothing that anyone can do. Nothing. She'll never seen him again, never laugh and distract him from his work, never force him into a chair and play with his hair, never curl up next to him and dream with him of a new world.

There's nothing she can do.

Except for one thing.

She stands up, and wipes her eyes. Misa, she has a plan now. She goes to bed, and the next morning she cleans up for the first time in weeks. She puts on her makeup, and her best dress, and spends hours curling her hair. It's the first time that she goes fully Lolita in months, but it's appropriate and it's always been her favorite. She writes a quick note to dear Alice, her sister that always cared and helped her whenever she could, and another to Saichiko, who, no matter what she thought of Misa's life, was kind to her son's fiancé. Then she writes a third, one that will never be read in this life, to a monster with a human heart that did all she could for Misa.

Misa, she locks up her apartment and goes out walking. She barely hears the fans that recognize her on the street, walking past them without a word, and not answering the people who ask, worried, why her eyes are so red. Misa doesn't care about any of them now, never really did, and she has more important things to think about now, and her steady sense of purpose seems to scare them away.

She walks to the top of the highest building she knows – a snippet of old, tattered memory remembers living in this building once, living with Light and another whose name she never knew – and walks to the very edge of the building. She stares at the Tokyo skyline for a moment, stares at the world her Light could never save, and takes another step.

Misa, she knows that her Light didn't believe in an afterlife, but she does. She knows that he's waiting for her, and she'll fly to him on the wings of love.


End file.
